What Is Pacing?
Pacing is how we process information. Some of us process small chunks, rapidly, and others of us process larger chunks, over more time. Slower paced people are always fitting new pieces of information into a larger picture, whereas faster paced people are moving quickly from one piece of information to the next.
Pacing has nothing to do with intelligence. For example, Albert Einstein was VERY slow paced, he had a pacing of about 35. His slower pace allowed him to see the bigger picture of things and make great contributions in theoretical physics.
The population as whole, we place on a scale from 0 to 100 and it creates a bell shaped curve. So, most of the population has a pacing between 40 and 60, with fewer individuals in the very fast and very slow range.
Slow paced - 40 or lower
Mid paced - between 40 and 60
Fast paced - 60 or higher
How Pacing Impacts your Relationships
If you have a significantly different pacing than your partner, you will feel this difference energetically. If you are faster paced, you may feel impatient or frustrated, and find yourself completing your partner’s sentences. If you are slower paced, you may find yourself exhausted and unable to complete your thoughts and explanations about things when in the presence of a faster paced partner. To faster paced people, those with slower paces may seem slow or drawn out to you. To slower paced people, those with faster paces may seem like they are jumping from one thing to the next too quickly.
If you have the same pacing as your partner, it will be easy to be together over longer periods of time. You will not feel energetically depleted in their presence due to pacing differences. If your pacing is different, the more you will need to take breaks from your partner to rejuvenate. The greater the difference, the more frequently you will need to take breaks. When we sleep, our bodies need to rest at our home base pacing. So if our pacing is more than 15 points different from our partner’s, we may find it helpful to sleep in separate beds a few nights out of the week so that we can sleep soundly and wake up feeling well rested.
Simply having an awareness of pacing can allow you to more easily adapt to your partner. If you know that your partner is slower paced than you, then you can consciously choose to slow down when you are in their presence. If you know that your partner is faster paced than you, then you can rev yourself up in their presence. If you meet in the middle, there will be more ease and flow in your interactions.
Pacing in My Own Relationships
My partner Bodi has a pacing of 60, while mine is 65. I am a bit faster than him but it is not enough to notice most of the time. Usually we can go long periods together and feel energized in each other’s presence. In the past, I have had relationships with men who were as low as 45, which is mid-paced, but 20 points lower than me! It used to frustrate me but once I became conscious of it, it actually allowed me to cultivate greater patience for others and have more flexibility in my own pacing.
What about you? Do you think you are slow, mid or fast paced? Are you slower or faster than your partner? If you feel there is a difference, see how long it takes before you notice your energy start to go down when you are in the presence of your partner. Honor this and take breaks as you need!