Please reflect on the following questions to bring more understanding to your decision making process:
Do you:
(1) like to know all of your options before you make a decision?
OR
(2) find something you like and feel happy to choose it without needing to know other options first?
Do you:
(1) feel more spacious with time around decision making?
OR
(2) think that time is of the essence when decisions are being made?
Are you:
(1) more entrepreneurial and independent?
OR
(2) more content being part of larger groups or organizations where you and your team members keep each other on track?
If you resonate more with the (1)s, you are likely more of a Divergent decision maker.
If you resonate more with the (2)s, you are likely more of a Convergent decision maker.
If you resonate equally with both, you are likely 50/50 or Variable in your decision making approach.
In my love relationship, my partner Bodi is naturally Divergent, while I am 50/50 Convergent and Divergent.
For greater insight in understanding how we make decisions, we can look at three main areas of life- relationships, personal creativity and work.
Bodi and I are both divergent in relationships - so we are more flowing, spacious and unconcerned about time when it comes to our relationship with each other and with our friends and family. We easily make relationship decisions together.
Bodi is divergent in his personal creativity, and I am variable in this area, so we also do pretty well making decisions in creative spaces together, such as while teaching workshops, guiding coaching sessions and traveling.
This is our challenge: I am convergent at work and Bodi is divergent at work (so we have no natural overlap in this area). When we work together on projects at home, for example, Bodi likes to have a lot of options for what he could work on on any given day, so he is always opening up new projects and then choosing what he feels like doing each day. I am more focused and prioritized with projects so my preferred way is to start a project then work on it to completion before beginning a new one.
Bodi looks at the bigger picture and the potential of a situation and is less time oriented. He therefore has no concerns with having dozens of projects open simultaneously - it is creatively inspiring to him to have many options. I, however, like completing things, checking them off the list and moving on in a timely manner. This makes work feel more productive and makes the environment feel more peaceful to me.
So how do we work together in areas where our natural decision making process differs?
If one of us has the capacity to be flexible, we will make a conscious decision to meet the other in their style. If I feel I can be flexible, I will surrender to his divergent style, essentially get into that space with him and follow his lead. If Bodi feels he can be flexible, he will meet me in my needs for focused and prioritized decision making, offering more structure and timeliness to me. This is good practice for both of us to understand each other’s natural ways of making decisions.
Another option is that we can meet in the middle. Say we want to watch a movie together - usually I would rather not spend a lot of time looking at options (while he may enjoy that) - so we would meet in the middle by spending 7 minutes or so looking at options and we would choose after we have seen all the options we can in that time frame.
If neither of us feels we can be flexible and move toward the other, we will not make decisions together in that particular area of our lives. Where we do not align, we may create our own domains. For example, with household projects in which we are challenged to make decisions together, Bodi has his domains and I have mine. If I want to work with him in his domain, I’ll have to meet him in his style and vice versa.
What about you? Do you feel you are more convergent, divergent or 50/50 in your decision making? Do you naturally line up with your partner in this area or do you sometimes struggle to make decisions together?